How I felt back then and Why
I wish you knew how I felt at that particular moment.
I felt pissed off like never before. I felt angry at the hundreds of people around me. I put my feelings to words and shortly you'll get to read a piece of my mind.
What happened ?? I joined a company and two posts were available. Both were equally important. But one of them was based in my home city, where I have family and friends, the other in another part of the country which would be alien territory for me. I spent weeks buttering up a senior executive so that he'd let me stay home and he reassured me over and over again that someone else would be transferred. Ultimately, as I was completely reassured of where I was going to be, the same senior executive tells me I am going. He tells me he forgot to forward my request.
The guy taking over at home territory isn't even from the city which pissed me off even more.
I decided to quit the company though I knew my future there was a secure one.
I was to attend a seminar that day.It was something about using substitutes and the company's financial history. My mind totally someplace else. Now, I used my pen and paper to jot down the following :-
The Last Straw
I am this close to shut down point. Dissatisfaction = Rage. Why should I fight for something I won't get or rather something which people just don't want me to have. I, at this moment ( 4/11/2009, 5:52 P.M. as per my watch ) argue that I don't need something that I don't get easy. What if the substitute is better ? Then I'd rather have the substitute. Beyond what I deserve and what I don't deserve is what I get and what I don't get. If I fight for what I want, I get pulled into a black hole of miseries and disappointments. People say to gain happiness you have to go through a hell of a lot of unhappiness. I don't need or deserve this misery and this disappointment and this unhappiness. I shall have happiness or I shall have nothing at all. I want things which others cannot steal, snatch or keep from me. I want satisfaction. There are many routes to my desires. Its because of these people around me that I don't get what I want.
So I choose loneliness over pain. For my friends are fools and my enemies too many.
Now honestly, I know all of this is like crap to read and that even I can argue with every single word which I have written here. But see it was momentary anger which I accidentally, rather than intentionally, penned down.
I didn't ultimately quit the job and I moved to this new city. Its not perfect. Could have been better to have my buddies with me here. But at least there's more freedom here. Plus a prestigious job and some new friends.
This note is for the pretty lady sitting beside me at the seminar, who was reading every line I was writing down with the corner of her eye and probably thought I had gone crazy. Sometimes in life, you think too fast but you react in a different manner.
Thank you. Hope you're doing well.
